30 days shred by Jillian Michales

3rd day and I’ve already lost 4 pounds!!! <3 feeling them abs and being so healthy I just love it!! back to my old self again!!

Lost and found

I haven’t been here for ages. Went to the gym again 2 days ago for 3 hours and today I’m feeling lazy again but I will do some exercises I have to! I give up to easily or may be just feel like I’m not strong enough to do it. But every time I come back with more weight that just crept back on me again… :/

 I want to eat healthy and not binge I do, I really do, but I become repulsed when I think of where the calories are going to go. Every time I finish eating something, I run to the mirror to see how I look.

 I try to set a goal weight, but the number keeps shrinking and getting more unrealistic. Now I’m realizing that I won’t stop until I weigh nothing.

I want to be skinny, I want people to notice me and say wow you’ve lost so much weight. I want them to look at me and say you are so beautiful not that I’m a curvy girl looking like Marilyn Monroe but like Kate Moss or Anja Rubik with gorgeous collar bones. I want collar bones so much, my boobs are too big and too heavy that it hurts me to run :’( I’ve had porridge to eat in the morning and can’t stop thinking about how lazy I got. What the fuck happened to me?!